A little while back, I got struck and stuck with a gripping and eye-opening thought during a conversation with a friend about the underlying factors that determine our actions, in this particular case, insecurities.
Our conversation danced along the modus operandi of most public office elections in this part of the world, where youths and their energies are mostly used as tools, forgettable collateral damage, all for a dime. I had wondered what could make youths, mostly students, mortgage their lives for meagre means and led by political paymasters to slaughter, without care or remorse.
It begs the question, what? What could really?
What are we doing with our lives? What is our mentality about life? How important do we know we are in this world, that we settle, and keep settling for things that easily beset the core ethics of living?
It’s not just about killing you in the physical. We die slowly within, while drowning in our own painful thoughts, and why’s that?
We are so insecure, that’s what.
How do you see yourself now? How much credit do you give you? That you settle for a lot less because you feel you can’t get any better than this, and sometimes it’s worse, you feel you shouldn’t. You kill yourself slowly with these hurtful and negative thoughts that make you less of who you really are.
The choices we make as adults usually are a reflection of the morals, values, and principles we were raised on as children.
I have my doubts, that’s a given. I have my insecurities, and yours may not even be as intense as mine was about a year ago, but gratefully I am more aware of my insecurities than I was. I am aware that the insecurities I had about certain things, was on account of my low compassion of self which didn’t give me that much confidence the times I really needed it. I know I am not perfect, but my self-esteem secretly wants me to be, and I am aware of that.
Having a good sense of self esteem is great. It means you are confident in your own worth and abilities. It means you have self respect, but self-esteem increases your insecurities, that’s why it’s safer to have self compassion first, because with self compassion comes kindness. Self esteem still focuses on evaluation and performance. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self compassion encourages an attitude of kindness and patience. Self esteem can increase our levels of insecurity, where self-compassion asks us to slow down and assign ourselves value for simply being human.
Insecurities can leave us feeling rejected and unworthy, and self hating thoughts encourage us to engage in self destructive behaviors. If you have a sense of where your insecurities come from and the influence it has on your life, you can begin to challenge it.
With change comes anxiety. These defenses and inner critic have been with you your whole life, so they won’t be easy to challenge. Your insecurities aren’t likely to vanish overnight, but they will eventually, slowly, through perseverance. They will start to weaken.
Once you realize your strength and importance, once you see the ways you’ve been hurt and can feel for yourself on a deep level, you can actually start to break free of the chains that hold you back. You can shed the insecurities of your past and become the person you want to be. You can be confident, and love yourself the way you should. You would see clearly, your worth.
Remember that your mind becomes your prison when you focus on fear. So do not be afraid to leave all that negativity behind, for if you let your anxieties and fears control all your decisions, you won’t get very far.
There’s just little or nothing one can do from inside a prison – so, Dearest, can we try self-reliance and freedom?