The goal of a relationship shouldn’t be that the person we’re with lives up to being on the pedestal we’ve put them on. The goal should be a connection with who that person really is.
I’ve had my fair share of romantic dealings and getaways with relationships since high school, if we don’t count the primary school crush I had.
I figure you’d rather not call those kiddy festivities a relationship, but I do, and I will, because even if it isn’t crowned a ‘serious relationship’, it was still a relationship, and I still had my expectations. I had the idea of what I wanted, and spent my baby days trying to get them to fit into that idea of the ‘kid’ I wanted.
That didn’t break as I got older and more mature. I still had my expectations, and truthfully, I still do. But, it’s different now. You don’t have to be someone you’re not. You don’t have to be someone else, because what I expect from you or for you, isn’t what or who you are.
In our relationships we often look for the ‘polished media version’ of someone. We want our partners to live up to an idea we have of them (a fantasy we’ve created), instead of what they really are.
In doing this we end up enforcing all of our personal rules, not allowing our partner the flexibility to express who they are authentically.
“You either want a relationship with the REAL ME, or you want a relationship with the idea of me.”
I like authenticity. I like seeing someone raw and uncut. That to me is where the real excitement is and where you really get to know and learn from someone (not from the polished, media version of them).
It doesn’t allow you to be human. You create a false perception of who you really are, and I never want that to be the case.
I hope you can take the same stance with your relationships.
Stop trying to have a relationship with the IDEA of someone, and instead see them for who they are. Remember, they are human beings first, before they are anything else.
When you allow yourself to do this, it’s far more interesting, for we get depth, diversity, and a whole range of emotions with someone, and we get to learn a lot from that. We get to learn a whole lot from them.